| We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog programming for this special report.
Wealthy attorney-turned-State Senator Mike Bishop leads a double life: he is the diabolical Obstructo Man. As a powerful member of the dastardly GOPNo (The Grand Old Party of No), Obstructo Man’s primary mission is to prevent all economic and social progress in the State of Michigan. 
Recent elections across the land have driven most of GOPNo underground, but the sinister organization still controls the Michigan State Senate, and it is here where Obstructo Man thrives. Together with fellow GOPNo evil-doers, Obstructo Man has brought Michigan’s forward movement to a screeching halt.
How does he do it? Obstructo Man's powers are multi-tiered. First, a secret Obstructo-Chute in the Michigan Senate leads to various “Kill Committees,” where Obstructo Man sends legislation to die. Obstructo Man creates these Kill Committees as needed and staffs them with loyal GOPNo Politicrits who are too cowardly to disobey Obstructo Man’s orders. When do-gooder legislation comes before the State Senate, Obstructo Man intercepts the legislation and dumps it into the Obstructo Chute. A sad end to many a good bill.
Next, Obstructo Man puts the State Senate in a nearly permanent state of vacation. Rumor has it that these "vacations" are necessary for Obstructo Man to rejuvenate his powers through a strict regimen of leisurely activities and frequent applications of a special formula known as "Instant Bronze." This contradicts our original theory that Obstructo Man's powers come directly from drinking the tears of the poor. BFM's crack investigative team is on the job and will report back with any findings.
Not content to merely obstruct access to clean water, green plastic bags, recycling, voting while in college, elections by mail, no-photo-id voting, same day registration, No Reason Absentee,safe medicine, autism research, reduced legislative salaries, and jobs, Obstructo Man has now moved on to obstructing federally funded infrastructure projects. As you can see from this BFM Special Report, Obstructo Man has created a new Kill Committee in an attempt to stop federal stimulus money from flowing through Michigan and creating jobs.
Obstructo Man holds great influence over the Michigan government, but he is not without his weaknesses. He has a child-like fear of blogs that say bad things about him, and an inexplicable and sometimes debilitating hatred for Governors who are also girls.  Although his powers of obstruction are formidable, he is rumored to lack the capacity for independent thought. Sources say that he takes orders directly from some unidentified powerful being that rules the Michigan faction of GOPNo with an iron fist. Only the guidance of this superior super-villian prevents Obstructo Man from walking around aimlessly, swatting at imaginary flies, and mumbling incoherently about the dangers of state workers and school teachers.
Our investigation into Obstructo Man leaves us with many questions. Who is the unknown but all powerful super-villian that controls Obstructo Man? How exactly does that Obstructo-Chute work? Is the hair gel really a backup fuel source for some sort of Obstructo-Mobile? Is the symbol on the left really the mark of the super-secret GOPNo Politicrit Headquarters?
Keep it right here on BFM for answers to these questions and more.
We now return to our regularly scheduled blog programming. Thankyouverymuch. |
